And they wonder why we’re so screwed up.
1. It’s alright that your boyfriend cheats on you.
Strangely, Jerrica never seemed to have much of an issue that her boyfriend, Rio, was having an affair with her alter-ego Jem.
2. It’s totally cool to take a controlled substance that gives you crazy energy and causes you to, literally, bounce off the walls.
Clearly the Gummiberry Juice that the Gummi Bears made was some sort of crazy meth — which might explain why Duke Igthorn really wanted it.
3. It’s perfectly OK to terrorize senior citizens.
Poor retired Mr. Wilson, he just wanted to live a peaceful quite life, but Dennis and his gang felt the need to torment him. And even worse, Dennis’ parents seemed perfectly cool with that.
4. No one ever gets hurt in gun battles.
For as many battles as the G.I. Joe Team got in with Cobra Command, no one ever seemed to get wounded. Maybe the fact that they were such bad marksmen was the reason they could never take down Cobra?
5. You might have a long lost sibling out there that you might want to hook up with.
I think it’s safe to say that He-Man and She-Ra were the original Jaime and Cersei Lannister. And don’t act like you didn’t ship it.
6. It’s OK to harm someone as long as you’re doing it because of love.
Seriously, that Care Bear stare was NO JOKE. The Care Bears might have seemed like cuddly harmless creatures, but they weren’t above taking you down.
7. If a crime happens, you should help solve it.
The Rescue Rangers were always snooping in on the police and taking on cases that probably should’ve been handled by actual law enforcement — or at least professional rodent law enforcement.
8. It’s perfectly safe to leave toddlers unsupervised for several hours.
Like who in the hell was raising all those Muppet Babies?! ‘Cause it sure as hell wasn’t Nanny — who never seemed to be around.
9. You should love money more than anything else.
Sure, Scrooge McDuck had a rather large extended family, he was even raising his three grandnephews, Huey, Dewey, and Louie. But what he seemed to care for the most was his vast fortune and his Number One Dime.
10. If you’re the only female in a situation, expect to get harassed, constantly.
Poor Smurfette, those perpetually horny Smurfs seemed to never give her a second to breathe.
11. It’s normal for a creepy adult to hang out with a teenage girl.
A creepy poltergeist adult to be exact. Let’s be honest, Beetlejuice and Lydia’s relationship was clearly a (paranormal) episode of To Catch a Predator waiting to happen.
Also, why weren’t Lydia’s parents just a little more concerned with the fact that she was very obsessed with the occult?
12. Being a super-rich teenager gives you permission to be ruthless and mistreat those who are not as well off as you.
Beverly Hills Teens was perfectly suited for the ’80s, the decade of excess. The show featured rich spoiled teenagers that in between attending high school, spent all their time living a Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous wet dream. Of course the show’s true star was Bianca Dupree, who was the series’ resident villain who used her money to scheme against her friends and be cruel to her chauffeur Wilshire.
13. It’s fine to keep secrets from adults.
Yeah having a dinosaur friend like Denver would be cool, but having it possibly kill one of your friends, not so cool.
But, you know, don’t let your parents know ‘cause they might take your dangerous friend away.
14. You should strive to be irresponsible and constantly stoned.
Those Fraggles were high-as-fuck 24/7, and they did nothing but lay around, have the munchies, and share in each others trippy dreams.
On second thought, those hippie Fraggles were onto something.